You Tube You Say?

That's right. The Increbiboo Gretaboo is now on youtube.com
You can see her video by clicking this link:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YqDkiFjPBL4

Yeah, yeah, yeah

Tyler says, "When I'm in Florence, AL and my belly starts to rumble, I head down to Ricatoni's for some of my favorite ravioli."

You know what people? I don't want to hear about it. If you've got a complaint about my infrequent blog postings, at least tell me to my face (or email me, call me, or, dare I say, post your feelings or comments on this blog!)! But don't send Sarah Haggstrom to do your dirty work for you. I just got scolded by my wife because she's sick of hearing from her mother that there haven't been any new posts. Well, in case you haven't noticed it is LENT and this blog is named thePREACHERSdaughter. So I've been just a little busy. And yet I know that you don't care because you have an insatiable appetite for updates on my daughter's bowel movements. Just kidding of course - actually someone just this weekend told me that they'd appreciate it if I would tell more stories about Greta's poop. I'm serious! I was just starting to think that I was going to loose some of my readership because all I seem to write about was how Greta seems to relieve herself at inopportune times. So, maybe I will tell another poop story; we'll see. Anyway, the person who said that she wanted more crappy stories happened to be the daughter of my administrative assistant, both of whom are named Sharon. Little Sharon lives in Switzerland and she regularly reads this blog. Of course I was thrilled to learn that this blog is now being read in nearly a dozen states and at least two countries. I'm multinational baby!

Little Sharon was in town for her brother's wedding and she brought her 10mo. old son, David, with her. Yesterday after church we spent some time with David. Actually it was an early first birthday party for him since he'll be back in Switzerland for his true birthday. Sharon Sr. was very excited to get the two tots together and see how they'd respond. Greta did quite well and she was actually awake for the whole play date, I mean, play "encounter" -remember, it's not a date -. Since David is a Swiss born baby, he's learning both English and German, although he's too young to speak either, but it's fun to watch him respond to simple words in both languages. I assume that German is the more familiar language to him. Anyway, we got the two babies together and they both watched each other with curiosity. Greta smiled and David flailed his arms about. Both were having a grand time. I even managed to bite my tongue each time somebody mentioned about how the two were already sweethearts, or, "Wouldn't it be funny if they were boyfriend and girlfriend someday?" I even managed a courtesy smile for that one. Greta just kept on smiling at David and I could already spot trouble sixteen years down the road (or sooner God forbid). And then it happened. Sharon, Jr. said to him, "David, want to give Greta a kiss?" David leaned forward toward Greta and before I knew what had come out of my mouth I shouted, "David, nein!" No kiss on your birthday this year buddy. Try that back home on some Swiss miss, not my baby. Greta doesn't date and she sure as heck doesn't kiss boys.

In other Greta news, she's developed a new sleeping habit and I haven't decided if it should be called "The Claw" or, "The Squid," but what she does is she takes her hand, spreads her fingers and then covers her face with her hand, then she falls asleep. It is really bizarre. You can see the picture above. She's been doing this a lot; for naps and at night.

Greta also auditioned for the role of the garden gnome in Amelie: la partie deux as you can see from the picture above. We also tried taking our picture in the mirror although that didn't work so well.

Finally, one more funny story, and I really wish I would have had the video camera on for this one. Last night Greta had a funky belly and was sharing a little gas with her mother and I. She was sitting on my lap smiling and making baby sounds when all of the sudden out of her rear came a little "put put put." And then, "put put put" and again and again and again. I stared counting and before she was done she had tooted NINETEEN consecutive times, and that's the honest truth. I thought she was going to levitate right off my lap. What can I say; the girl is gifted.

Down South Pt. 4: Stinks on a Plane

Our last day in Alabama we headed down to Birmingham for our final stop on the tour de Greta. Eleanor's friend April was having a party/shower for Greta and April asked us if we'd come down an hour early for a photo shoot. April's husband Ty is a photographer and their gift to us, in addition to the shower, was a sitting in his basement studio. Here's his site- http://web.mac.com/tyarendall

A few weeks ago we were very concerned about Greta and thought she might be constipated, but after speaking to a lactation consultant, we learned that during growth spurts, it's common for a baby to go 48 hours without a B.M. The downside is that when things start to move again it's explosive. You can probably see what's coming, but we got Greta to the photo studio and she wasn't smiling for the camera. In fact, she was really moody. We didn't know what was wrong. We thought it might be all the white sheets and white furniture. Maybe it was the lights or the small enclosed room. But we heard soon enough what the problem was. All of the sudden there was a "put, put, put" sound and room filled with a noxious odor. Greta gave a huge smile and Ty, the consummate professional, just kept shooting. Meanwhile, Eleanor and I are terrified that she'd not only blown out her diaper and ruined the cute white lamby outfit she was wearing, but we also thought she was destroying Ty's white sheets, pillows and padded table. I thought Ty was going to have to start shooting photos of people on yellow backgrounds, but we picked Greta up and there was no leakage. Whew.

After the photo shoot the girls went upstairs to the party and had a great time. Jerry and I went to the mall for a cup of coffee, some BBQ for lunch and then we headed back to the party. Eleanor and I were so grateful for the party and for Eleanor's friends who traveled great distances to meet Gretababy.

Our final adventure happened on the way home to Philly. We had bulkhead seats on the plane, which was great from a privacy standpoint. Eleanor had hoped to nurse Greta during the takeoff, which supposedly helps the baby's ears during the pressure change. The downside is that people with long legs, such as myself, don't have a seat in front of them to put their feet under. But I knew it was a short flight and it wasn't that big of a deal. In our row their were three seats. Eleanor and Greta were on the window, I was in the middle and a chatty woman from Michigan was to my right. Again, after a day of constipation, Greta had more to share, and half way through the flight she let 'er rip. It was obvious to me and everyone else in our general vicinity what had happened, so we knew that Greta needed to be changed. I volunteered since I was closest to the aisle. So I got out and had to, of course, go into the overhead bin for her diaper bag since there is no under seat storage when you're sitting up against the bulkhead. After waking an elderly lady and sharing my armpit with the chatty lady, I got the bag out. Keep in mind also that I'm in the very front row of the coach section of the plane. They're showing a video of a cooking show or a travel show of some destination that I'll never visit. At any rate, apparently I'm more interesting than whatever Rachel Ray is cooking, so I now have thirty-five rows of people watching me get out that dainty diaper bag with the Asian print with the pink flowers. I pull out a diaper, a burp cloth and a whole pack of wet wipes. I tuck them all into my back pocket, grab the stinky child and head the the bathroom, which is, again, in the very front of the coach section where everybody can see.

Now I'm in the bathroom. It seems to be even smaller than any other airplane bathroom that I've ever been in. I couldn't even get Greta in the door carrying her in my arms. I had to prop her up lengthwise to get her through the opening with me. We get in and I can't stand up because the ceiling is too low. That's fine because there is no counter to set her on to change her anyway. So I decided to sit on the toilet and put her on my lap, but that's a problem too because my feet are too long to have them positioned under my knees and still keep the door shut. So now I have to pull my feet back until they are under the rim of the toilet; the result is that now Greta doesn't have enough lap space to lay on and her head is hanging off the end of my knees. I decided that there wasn't a better way, so I'd better act quickly. I tore open the diaper, cleaned the epic mess and snapped the lamby outfit back up again just as the captain turned on the "fasten seat belt" light. Feeling proud I opened the door to face my thirty-five row audience. I started walking backing to my seat and WHAM! I hit my head on one of the TVs. I quickly ducked into my row, handed Greta off to Eleanor, closed my eyes and imagined I was home under the covers - but that wouldn't happen for another four hours.

Down South Pt. 3: Don't go golfing and then come home to a cranky baby (or you'll have a cranky momma).

It seems like forever ago that we were in Alabama, but there are still a few more stories to share about Greta.

On Friday of that week 'BamaGramma had a bunch of her friends over for a meet n' greet. Even before the party the house was starting have the aroma of coffee, perfume and estrogen, so 'BamaGramps and I went outside to help direct traffic down the long and winding driveway. It was a beautiful day and we took our time coming inside so I can't tell you a lot about what happened at the party. I do know that when we came inside Eleanor handed me the baby and said, "Here. She has a wet dipe." I changed her, shot some video and that was about it. At some point though, Eleanor's baby book came out and the ladies were looking through the pictures commenting on how much Greta looks like Eleanor as a baby. The only catch is, Eleanor was 10lbs. + when she was born, so Greta at six weeks looked like Eleanor at three. But, Eleanor turned out looking okay, so it's alright with me. ; )

After the party, actually before it was over, Jerry and I headed out to the club to play some golf. Since I had been on a six month golfing hiatus, I was a total dog, but as I said it was a beautiful day. We got home about four and a half hours after we'd left and we came in the house to see both Eleanor and 'BamaGramma looking more than a little haggard. Greta was screaming at the top of her lungs and her tears were making puddles in the crib. Both Momma and Gramma were at the end of their rope and all they wanted to do was make Greta stop crying. "She's been doing this since you left to go golfing. We just don't know what's the matter." Then Captain Obvious decided to speak-"Did you check her diaper" I asked. I looked at them and felt an avalanche of unspoken four letter words bury me. "Yes, we checked her diaper!" I was a bit irritated myself in the nasty retort so I picked Greta up and checked her diaper myself which, when I opened it, was soaked. "But we just checked it fifteen minutes ago!" Eleanor said, "How can it be wet?" Again, the Captain spoke, "Well, she probably peed in the last fifteen minutes." I hadn't meant it to sound bad, but it came out that way. Now Eleanor looked like she would have choked me if there weren't witnesses in the room. Greta was still fussing a little bit and picked her up. 'BamaGramps and I made some silly faces and snuggled her. She smiled and fell asleep for three hours and everything was fine. Unfortunately, Momma was still awake . . .

Wanna see something scary?

The top picture is of Eleanor in October of '74.

The bottom one is of Greta last week.

Down South Pt. 2: "You've read about her online, now meet her in person. Here's Greta!"

First off, thank you to all you loyal blog readers out there, particularly my peeps in Flo-town. I had no idea that so many of you were online reading the posts. I'm glad - I though I was just writing to humor the grandparents. But, since there are so many Florentines reading this blog, it occurred to me that I should be doing some Shoals-based advertising to generate a little revenue. So let me pause to offer this word from the Florence, AL Chamber of Commerce:

Tyler says, "Whenever I visit Florence I love to eat atop the Renaissance Tower. The view is terrific and the food is even better. And if I ever need a colonoscopy, I always visit the friendly folks at Tennessee Valley Gastroenterology."

We got to Florence on Tuesday morning and pretty much got back in the car to head over to the hospital to meet the staff at the endoscopy unit. Greta felt very special getting to go in the back door and seeing the nurses' lounge. It was like having backstage passes to a Rolling Stones concert. But the highlight was seeing 'Bama Gramps proudly walk around showing Greta off to the staff. All the ladies at the hospital were very sweet and they all said nice things about Greta. From there we hit Trowbridge's for a bite. Naturally, Greta slept through the whole meal and then we went around the corner to First United Methodist to say hi to all the ladies in the church office. We were only there a minute and Greta had her first meltdown of the day. She was hungry and the ladies in the office ushered Eleanor into the associate pastor's office where she could nurse Greta. A few minutes later we were on our way again. We went to get Eleanor's hair cut and then to a new baby store near downtown that was painted bright pink and devoid of any windows. I told 'Bama Gramma that it looked like an adult bookstore and that I wasn't comfortable taking Greta inside, but she assured me that it was okay - and thank goodness, because we came out with a bunch of new things for the baby.

The next day was a quiet one. I worked on my sermon for Sunday and the ladies bopped around town some. Greta stayed home with me and I didn't get much done, but we had a fun time together. That night we went over to 'Bama Gramps' office to meet the staff. It was great because they all stuck around late to meet the Greta-boo. We had a nice visit with all of them and many said that they are hard core readers of the blog. We took the picture above and I promised them they'd be on the Web (thanks ladies! Great photo!). After meeting the girls in teal, we walked over to the church for the Wednesday night dinner and programming. Once again Great was a hit. We saw lots of familiar faces and had a nice meal. We went home exhausted, but feeling good - the week was only half over.

Down South Pt. 1: "Can you believe we have children?"

Last Sunday, that would be Sunday, Feb. 26, we took the Lil' Miss down south for her first trip outside central Jersey. The girls picked me up from church after the 10:00 service and we knew that we were going to be cutting it close on time. We had to get to Philly, park our car, ride the shuttle, check in and figure out how to navigate the security mess with Greta in her Baby Bjorn. If you don't know what a Baby Bjorn is, it's a baby carrier that turns mom or dad into a marsupial. Anyway, we knew it was going to be quite an ordeal. Everything was going fine on the way down until we came to a dead stop on the six-lane highway that runs on the Jersey side of Phila. We sat there for an hour waiting for an accident to be cleared and during that time Greta decided that she was hungry and she wasn't going to stop screaming until I crawled in the backseat and fed her a bottle. Thankfully Eleanor and one pumped already and I was able to calm Greta. And that was the only drama for the rest of the day from her. We managed to get out of Philla. before the snow storm reached its peak. Greta was a champ on the airplane. She was so quiet that the flight attendant walked past her multiple times before noticing her. When the attendant did finally notice her she said, "Oh my! Where did you come from?" I couldn't resist the opportunity to be a smart aleck. I said, "I could tell you where she came from, but I think I'd embarrass you in front of all these people." She didn't get the joke and walked off. Oh well.

We got to Atlanta without any problems, but when we were in the Avis line, Eleanor spoke to a woman who said all flights to NYC were cancelled until Tuesday due to the storm back home. We were very lucky. The lady at the Avis counter asked me if I wanted to pre-purchase a tank of gas from Avis for $2.18/gallon. I asked her what gas cost outside and she said $2.35. I smirked and said no thanks knowing that gas back in Jersey was at $2.09 when we left so I figured that I'd be able to do much better than $2.18 somewhere during the next six days. Well apparently she didn't like some Yankee smirking at her because when the Avis shuttle dropped us off at our car (which was supposed to be a Ford Taurus or similar) we saw our shiny, new, gas guzzling SUV. Sure, it was a Saturn Vue with better gas mileage than a Hummer, but it wasn't great especially considering how much driving we'd be doing. We got the car seat hooked in and headed up to Marietta to visit our friends the Hunekes.

Tom is one of my two best buddies from high school who now lives in GA with his wife, Melissa and their son, Nathan. They asked us back in January if we'd be Nathan's godparents. We were honored and of course we said yes. Nathan's baptism was on Monday morning and we were looking forward to spending Sunday night and all day and night Monday with them. The baptism was beautiful and Nathan seemed to really enjoy it.

Later that day the six of us took a walk and went out to dinner. It was a great time, but at some point that evening I looked at Tom as we both had our kids sitting on our laps and I said "Can you believe we have children?" "No." Let me tell you, a lot has gone done since 1996 when Tommy and I were at Edina H.S.