Jan 9th. Well, Jan 9th & 10th really, the days that will live on in infamy. 2 years ago on Jan 9th we took Greta to the hospital with croup. 2 years ago on January 10th we came as close to losing our earthly angel as parents can come. I still feel that familiar burning sensation in my eyes and the tight anxious feeling in my chest when I look at pictures from her birthday party (held on the 9th, 2010). This year this anniversary is strangely close and strangely far away. Last year we felt much more of a sense of relief. This year...2 years out...her healthy, happy progression is more "expected" and those terrible days seem much farther away.
Until you look at the pictures.
Until you allow your self to remember the shock and horror and fear you experience as you watch your kid struggle to supply her body with oxygen.
Yeah, it gets real again pretty quickly.
I'm glad that our bigger struggle now is deciding how much of this story to share with her and when to share it with her. I'm glad we don't feel haunted by those scenes every day. But I think Jan 9&10th will always be days of uncertainty. Days when we are tethered to the past...
1 comment:
We hold a piece of those "traumaversaries" in our head all the time. The pictures do bring those moments all back in one big gulp. So glad year 2 has placed farther distance between that trauma, but also more healing for you both.
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